Ghost Stories: When Hope is Silent

The Creepiest Story in the Bible

It seems appropriate that Halloween and the election of 2016 should occur within 1 week of each other. While people around the country will celebrate the creepy, strange, and spooky on Monday Night, its hard to argue that the scariest costumes won't be of our Presidential Candidates. (insert creepy clowns joke here) Lets be honest, if Halloween really wanted to scare people, it should take some lessons from modern politics. But Halloween and the Election are not the only sources of fear and hopelessness.

Near the end of 1 Samuel, Israel's first king, King Saul, is a hot mess. He's obsessed with killing his rival for the throne, a guy named David. He's also crazy. Furthermore, He and God aren't on speaking terms, partly because he's trying to kill God's next chosen king, because he ordered the deaths of an entire city of priests, along with a litany of other missteps. The main reason is that Saul sees God as his own personal means of getting what he wants and needs. (Good thing we would never do that.) Then Saul learns that the Philistines are marching to war. He freaks out and tries to get God's advice on the matter. Except that God isn't a psychic with a hotline number, so theres no answer. Saul freaks out a bit more. In an incredible act of rebellion Saul asks his men if they know of a medium. He wants to communicate with the dead prophet Samuel. 

This is important because God has expressly forbidden speaking to mediums and one of Saul's first acts as king was to kick the mediums out of Israel. All but one. When Saul hears about it, he disguises himself and goes to her in the middle of the night. Think about this for a second. In the middle of the night, a mad king disguises himself sets out to find a witch in order speak to the ghost of a dead prophet. If we were sitting around a fire this would be when I put the flashlight under my chin and turn it on.

In the story, Saul arrives at her house (I know it probably wasn't, but I've always imagined a cave, with lots of fog, because...witches?) and asks the woman to call up the spirit of Samuel. She agrees and begins summoning the "prophet." Suddenly she cries out and says, "Why did you lie to me? You are Saul."
Saul says, "Don't worry about me, what do you see?" 

"I see a ghost coming up from the ground," She says, "He looks like an old man with a robe."

At this, Saul is confident that the "ghost" is the prophet Samuel, since obviously Samuel was the only old man in Israel who wore a robe. 

The ghost asks Saul what he wants. Saul tells about the Philistines and the ghost says to Saul, "Why are you talking to me. You know God has become your enemy. You didn't obey him so he has rejected you. Tomorrow you and your sons will die, and your army will be defeated." At this Saul collapses. The next day, there is a battle with the Philistines and, just as the ghost predicted, Saul and every one of his sons present at the battle are killed and the army of Israel is defeated. Thus ends the tragic story of Israel's first king. 

What is that all about?

The story of Saul and the Witch of Endor is depressing and confusing. For those who believe that the dead are out of the reach of the living, the story brings up an entire list of questions. So most of the time great pains are taken to show that the ghost in the story is not really Samuel. I believe this is all true, but my goal here is not to explain what death is like. The bigger question I see is, did the ghost know the future? Isa. 46:8-10 makes it plain that God is the only one who truly knows the future. No the ghost did not know the future. So how did the ghost predict Saul's death? In 1 Sam. 28:16-19 the ghost gives the key to answering the question. "The Lord is your enemy. Because of the all the things you've done. Tomorrow you'll die."

Before the ghost predicts Saul's future, he defines Saul's past and present. Thats the point. Whoever defines your past and your present will define your future. The reason the ghost could so easily predict the future for Saul is that he simply took the events of Saul's life and removed the one ingredient Saul needed most in that moment: Hope. Then the ghost projected that into the future. Saul now saw a future utterly devoid of hope. The ghost uses facts that are basically true. Was Saul God's enemy? In many ways, yes. Had God rejected him as King in favor of David? Yes. But the message beyond those facts is this, "You are irredeemable."

Hope is Found  

The best contrast in the Bible to this story is ironically also named Saul. A man who fights passionately to protect God's people from the upstart group that believe the Messiah has come in the person of Jesus of Nazareth. Then everything changes. Saul is convinced, by Jesus himself, that the Christian Gospel is truth. He starts going by his Greek name, Paul, and spreads the message of Christ across the Roman Empire. 

The story of Paul is a story of Hope. A story of a man who sees his past and his present redefined by the death of Jesus so completely that his future shifts 180 degrees. In his letters he takes the hope he has experienced and applies it to every Christian. In 1 Cor. 6:11, after making a comprehensive list of the sins in which everyone has taken part, he says:

"And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." (ESV)

Your past is redefined. 

In Romans 8:1, he says:

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."(ESV)

Your present is redefined.

And in Timothy 4:8, he says:

"Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing."(ESV)

Your future is redefined.

Looking for Hope in all the Wrong Places

Many of us fall into the trap of King Saul. In our busyness and the noise of our lives, God seems quiet or slow.  In our desperation we rush to the nearest ghost we can find with some kind of word for our lives. It could be the ghost of politics with its grandiose promises and spectacle. The ghosts of pleasure and comfort promising a life of easy fun. Maybe its the ghost of success or security giving you something tangible, like a full IRA or a growing business. Whatever it is for you: Romance, Family, Recognition, eventually it fails and the false hope it gave is pulled out from under you like a table cloth by an unpracticed magician, leaving behind the shards of your plans and the stain of your tears. In that moment, the fear is more primal than any haunted house attraction can conjure. 

Our choice now is not which costume to wear, or who gets our vote. Our real choice is which voice will we hear? The temptation to see reality as ultimately hopeless and descend into a fatalistic melancholy. Or the voice that shouts with gentle strength through all the hype, vying for our attention and calling for a peace that passes all understanding because we know that our past is covered, our present is blessed, and our future is secure. 

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Be You: Preaching in an Age of Cynicism

Cynics, One and All!

We have all become cynics. If you don’t believe me watch the first half of a prescription drug commercial. No matter the amazing effects of the drug, your main thought will almost certainly be, “Just wait for the side-effects.” Of course our cynicism doesn't end with prescription medication. It's a defense against the unrelenting advertisements, 24 hour news cycle, and regular sex scandal revelations. Throw in some economic uncertainty and a political season that seems to be the unholy alliance of every reality TV show ever made and its no wonder why we aren't filled with optimism and trust. For the Christian Church this reality presents a unique problem; one with heartbreaking consequences. Its hard to imagine people in more need of the Gospel than the jaded masses we see around us, yet often the Church finds itself ill-equipped to take the opportunity. 

It reminds me of something I heard on an episode of Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History. (A fantastic podcast by the way, I highly recommend it!) In the episode he is describing World War I. The War has gone down as one of the great horrors of world history in large part because the ideas and values used in fighting wars hadn’t yet caught up to the technological reality on the ground. Imagine men on horseback charging entrenched machine guns and being cut down in droves and you get a sliver of an idea. In my experience the Church is facing a World War I moment. We are facing a vastly different world than the one we spent a century learning how to reach and as a result millions of Christians in the West are being cut down because of it.

While this moment of cultural transition has implications on any number of important issues in the church, in this post I would like to reflect on those implications and their relationship to the tradition of preaching.

Anything Fake is Worthless

While no one person can express the single right way to preach in an age of cynicism, there is one guaranteed way to lose all credibility. Be fake. If its fake, its worthless. We know this. A print of the Mona Lisa isn’t expected to sell for more than a few dollars. Authors are blacklisted if they try to pass someone else’s work off as their own. How then can we assume that the world we inhabit will suddenly drop those values at the Church door? We shouldn’t even desire it. Authenticity is a privilege. It is the chance to showcase the very fingerprints of God. Its the only thing that makes what you are saying worth hearing. If I want to learn doctrine or theology I’ll go read a book. I guarantee Luther, Calvin, and Wesley all expressed the gospel better than you can. Furthermore if I want to hear a great sermon, I have this nifty gadget in my pocket that gives me access to every sermon from every great (and not so great) preacher who has preached a sermon in the last 20 years. Pretty sure I’ll find one thats more passionate, practical, funnier, and probably better-looking. But the one thing that I can't get is you. The one person God decided should be here, in this place, right now. 

This means that every sermon has to reveal something about the preacher. A nugget of truth that reveals your heart, as a real person. It also means that a preacher, in today’s world, has to be self-aware. Are you nerdy? Are you awkward? Can you shoot hoops with the best of them but can’t remember names to save your life? Know the oddities that make you who you are and embrace them. Then make them part of your sermon. Tell people about that dumb thing you did while doing yard work last weekend. Rant about your ridiculous pet peeve. Be You! While you are being you, tell me about Jesus and what you learned about him this week. The only way to make God real in my life is to show me your real life and how God relates to it.

This by no means diminishes the importance of study. On the contrary, make it your hobby; your joy. Go deep and relish those depths. Then tell me about what you learned the way you would tell your mechanic brother. Be informally confident. You don’t have to be stiff. You don’t have to repeat the same sentence over and over. Should you know the idea you want people to remember? Of course! But let that idea emerge logically and organically rather than beating it over the audience’s head again and again like the phone number on a scuzzy law firm’s TV commercial. 

If we are to communicate to a world of cynics, we must be radically authentic; force out any vestige of formalism that has weaseled its way into our church and our communication. Preachers are not talking to people that need the higher knowledge they alone can provide. Instead they are communicating with equals. Maybe there was a time when a preacher could play the role of a learned superior generously bestowing knowledge upon their ignorant flock. That day is gone. Its not coming back.

(Post was edited in order to shorten and improve the content.)

Follow-up Recommendation:

Preaching by Tim Keller:

http://www.amazon.com/Preaching-Communicating-Faith-Age-Skepticism/dp/0525953035

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Jump-starting Spirituality // 3 Principles

 
     Wake up in the morning. Eat breakfast. Go to class. Eat lunch.  Go to work. Go back to class. Do homework. Eat dinner. Go to sleep. Repeat. That has been everyday of my year so far, and I know that many of you can relate. We live in a an extremely busy world that leaves little to no time to spare. Unfortunately  the time we dedicate to God is only what we can spare; we do it with our time, and very often we also do it with our money. How can our spiritual life survive our busy schedule? What must we do in order to sustain a vibrant relationship with God as we walk through the business of this world?

1. Give God all of it.

     I have heard so many times preachers say stuff like "Make God the first thing everyday!" and if you go to church regularly you have heard it also. While this is not necessarily a bad advice, it makes it easy to compartmentalize our life and give God just the first hours of our day, but we completely take Him out out of the rest. One of the best things we can do is to give Him all. I mean it! All of it! God needs to stop being the first item in our list and He needs to become our list.  If we look at spirituality in a holistic way even in the business of life we will be able to glorify God, and it will enrich our relationship with Him. The Bible says:

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." (1 Corinthians 10:31)

 2. The Small Meals Principle. 

     People who are really into fitness often advice that instead of having three or two big meals everyday, one should try do do 5 or 6 smaller meals. Very often our fast-paced life will force us to do this in our spiritual walk. Sometimes creating the discipline of reading the Word of God during the day in multiple, small, chunks of time can do more for our spiritual walk than a rushed thirty minutes in the morning. We have the blessing of easy access to the Bible in most mobile devices. It helps to set reminders to pray or read small portions of Scripture before accessing social media. By doing this not only do we open a window for God to speak to you in the context of your day, but also keep us from starving spiritually. 

3. Make the Sabbath count! 

     If you are a Seventh-day Adventist, the Sabbath can be, ironically enough, one of the busiest day of the week. It is important we give the Sabbath back to God. This day was meant to be an oasis of spiritual refreshment and not a lets-have-every-possible-church-related-meeting day. Not only have we taken the day from God but we have attached to it all of these taboos of "dos" and "don'ts" that have zero Biblical support. As a result we make a burden out of a blessing. Jesus said regarding the Sabbath:

"Then he said to them, "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath." (Mark 2:27)

     Above all things we must remember that our spirituality is all about keeping a closer relationship with Jesus everyday. It is a mistake to systematize or attempt to create specific "one-size-fits-all" plans to improve one's relationship with God. The truth is that this is a very organic process, and while guidelines and principles are a starting point, the relationship each of us has with God is unique in its own way. The challenge is to not conform to where we are and grow closer to Him as we walk through this world.

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3 Things the Church Needs to Move Forward

     I love my church! 

     I cannot stress that enough. I am a "home-bred" Seventh-day Adventist, and I would never have it any other way. Because of the immense love I have for this movement, it occasionally bothers me where we are right now. In the last 10 years, I have visited Seventh-day Adventist churches in at least four different states, and only a few of them were "thriving," if you can call it that. Yet, every once in a while I hear someone cite statistics proving how "great" our church is doing. 

     But it’s all denial. 

     Truth is, we are struggling! We hide behind inflated numbers instead of acknowledging our struggles, and we allow things to get worse. But it is time for a change. Here are three things that I believe the church needs to do to turn things around.

1. Return to the Mission at Any Cost

"And Jesus came and said to them, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit'" (Mt 28:18–19). 

     This Bible verse is what our church is all about! Or, at least, it should be. If there are a dozen "ministries" in the church and yet none are producing new disciples, then those "ministries" are useless! We have gotten distracted by our comfort and egocentricity, and have forgotten what our true mission in this world is. Going back to this mission will require painfully radical change. We have to turn our churches back to the world! We have become way too self-centered! Jesus' orders were to go out—not to come in! Our mission was never to bring people into our buildings and get them to be vegetarians. Our mission is to go out of our buildings and make disciples that will follow us back. It’s sad that people have to come into our temples on Sabbath to find out what we are all about, because they cannot see it in any other way. What is it going to take?

2. Get Rid of Our "We-Have-the-Truth" Attitude 

"Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me'" (Jn 14:6). 

     Jesus' statement of self-disclosure was full of power. He identifies Himself as "the way," "the truth," and "the life." The theological implications of this statement are incredible. However, I want to focus on the second characteristic: truth. 

     God is truth. The most arrogant thing humans can say is, "We have the truth!" No we don't! Don’t get me wrong—I am fully devoted to our theological foundation as Seventh-day Adventists. But we cannot boast about having the truth because no one can ever fully know God, who called Himself the truth! The moment the human mind fully understands God, He will cease to be God. Therefore, it will never happen! We, as the remnant, have a prophetic role in the last seconds this world has left. We know some truth, but we will never have all of it. Yet some of us think we do. This mentality of "theological arrival" is what is keeping the church from moving forward in many cases. It has filled our hearts with an unholy pride and a sense of exclusivity that has made us lazy and undisciplined students of the Word. We need to once again become like the young men and women who started this church. They were willing to keep a teachable heart as they studied the Word of God and were eager to do whatever it took to follow His will. 

3. Embrace Change

"Therefore my judgment is that we should not trouble those of the Gentiles who turn to God, but should write to them to abstain from the things polluted by idols, and from sexual immorality, and from what has been strangled, and from blood" (Ac 15:19–20).

     The very first executive meeting the Christian Church ever had was all about change. There were a group of Jewish Christians who believed that it was necessary for new Gentile converts to keep all the ceremonial provisions, including laws about sacrifices, festivals, and circumcision. However, under the leadership of Peter the new movement understood the need for change. They recognized the necessity to move away from culture and tradition in order to bring the Gospel to the world.

     I once heard someone say, "We change when the pain related with the status quo becomes greater than the pain related with change." I have found this to be true in many areas of life, but especially within the church. There used to be a time when Seventh-day Adventists were the "cutting-edge" of technology in regards to proclaiming the Gospel to the world. Then technology evolved. But we did not. Change is necessary for any organization to survive. We spend too much time and energy coming up with "biblical" arguments to excuse our unwillingness to change, to leave the known for the unknown. Imagine how different things would be if we embraced change and used it as a launching board to bring the Gospel to this generation. We have to stop complaining about post-modernism, technology, and music styles and embrace them as tools to glorify God as we bring the Gospel to the world. 

     Family, it is imperative that we rethink our ways. The times in which we are living call for radical measures and it all begins with you and me. My prayer is that first, we are able to really grasp the importance of our commission to bring the Gospel to the world. Second, that we keep a humble and teachable heart so that God can continue to reveal Himself to this church. Lastly, that we remain committed to Him to the point of changing and letting go of all the traditional baggage that slows us down in the final stretch of our run.

   I love my church! 

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3 Leadership Tips for Ministry

   

     Leadership is something I have always been very passionate about. I have read many books about the subject, specifically on how it relates to church. I would like to share three things that have really helped me grow as a leader. Some of these come straight from the pages of countless leadership books; others come from private conversations I've had with very experienced leaders, as well as my own personal experience. So here we go:

1- Fight with your own armor
     There are many successful leaders who are great preachers, great visionaries, great administrators, and great strategists. In some way or another, these men and women have changed the way we do ministry and, sometimes, even the way we see the world. I observe time and time again very talented young men and women trying to fight in someone else’s armor, someone they look up to. The first thing that comes to mind is the story of David. While he was still very young, way before he became king, David decided he was going to fight a giant named Goliath. After trying to discourage the young man, King Saul offers David his armor to wear when he fights Goliath. Anyone remember what happens next? David tries it on and decides it is not for him. David had the chance to test drive the best armor in Israel; it was by far the most secure, the most expensive, and the most technologically advanced equipment in the market. It was perfect for battle but it had one flaw: it was not his own. If David had decided to wear Saul's heavy armor, he would have never been able to swing his slingshot around fast enough to bring Goliath down. Throughout our ministry, we will feel tempted by “great leader's" shiny armor. But remember that God has given you special talents meant to help you bring down giants. Do not settle for the shiny armor.

2- Character, not skills
     It is character, not skill, that makes a leader worth following. Skills are often easily learned and put into practice, but often times, they do not last. Character, however, is hard to build. It takes years of hard work and preparation, but every struggle is worth the trouble if we come out as men and women who lead from the heart. In shaping your character into one of a true leader, you will find many obstacles (take it from someone who is working on it day in and day out), but the biggest of them all is yourself. Through my experience, I have found that there are seven characteristics present in every leader:
     1. A Servant Attitude
     2. Passion for Purposeful Change
     3. Optimism
     4. The Courage to Overcome
     5. The Ability to Take Responsibility
     6. Authentic Integrity
     7. The Pursuit of Wisdom

     I will expand on this in another blog down the road. But the point is this: let it be your heart and character that leads others, not your skills. Do it for yourself and for those who follow you. One day your skills will run out of character to back them up and you will break your heart and the heart of those who supported you. If you are a leader, the best time to begin working on your character was ten years ago, but the second best time is today. Allow God and the Holy Spirit to work with you as you grow in character and lead to change the world.

3- Do not compare your life to someone else's highlight reel
     You really shouldn't be doing this anyway! I know it’s tempting to see how good the pastor down the road is doing, but too often, we see the success of others and feel distraught as we look at our own lives. I was recently talking to a good friend who has spent the past two years preaching all over the world. He told me that people approach him all the time asking him to give them the "key." Every time, his answer is "hard work." With a few exceptions, being successful in anything, including ministry, is the result of hard work. When we look at the artist that takes the stage week after week for thousands of raging fans, we might be tempted to think, "Well, he's got it easy!" But we fail to see the years he or she spent inside a recording studio when the public had no idea who he or she was. 

     When things are not going too well in ministry, in the workplace, or even at home, resist the temptation to look outside into someone else’s highlight reel. This is the tool the enemy uses to fill those with great potential to make a difference in the world with discouragement. Remember that those who are successful now once struggled just like you did or like you are struggling now.

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     These three simple pieces of advice have proven to be very effective in my own personal life and ministry. They have kept me on track even when I felt like giving up—sometimes, when success was right around the corner. However, as effective as these tips might be, don't forget that who you lead is not as important as who you follow. No matter what, always follow the Lord and lead others to Him. 

Photo Credit: http://goo.gl/vZR63X

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We Won't Be Shaken: Living When Life is Chaos

   We've all had one of those mornings. When the alarm didn't go off, you were late for an interview,  and your car ran out of gas. It feels like life has it out for you. Somehow you made somebody mad. Maybe God, maybe those dudes in the suits from the Adjustment Bureau. Somebody's pissed. And now so are you.

   Or you've had one of those years. The kind that rob you of your joy. It could be loss. The loss of a spouse, of a job, of a friend. A year that sees the stress of everyday life quadrupled, and you're sure you'll break under the strain.

   It feels like despite of how much praying, fasting, or Bible study we do, sometimes things never go our way. It is like the whole world is against us and there is nothing we can do about it. The truth is that whether you are a believer or not, for as long as we live in this world we will face times of crisis. That is something that is universal. We all have either gone through crisis, or are going through crisis, or will go through a crisis soon, that is just the result of living in a twisted world. The question that remains standing is what do we do when things are not going our way? What can we do when we are in the darkest time of our life?

Remember Who God Is

   When we are facing problems we often lose sight of the greatness of our God. We tend make our issues bigger and more powerful than the might of the One who created everything we know with His breath (Psalm 33:6). Sometimes we think our issues can hold back the One who held the Sun still in the middle of the sky (Joshua 10:12). Sometimes we think that wall in front of us, keeping us form moving forward, from taking the next step in our life, is way too big for the One who brought down the walls of Jericho (Joshua 6:20). But quite the opposite is true!

   The same God who delivered Israel in miraculous ways time after time, is the God who listens and answers to your prayers. He is the One who comes to your rescue when life is at is darkest. When you feel like surrendering to your circumstances, regardless of how you got there, remember that your God walks on water, and nothing will keep Him away from rescuing you (Romans 8:38).   

Know Who You Are

   Most of us suffer from a severe identity crisis, and times of hardship usually make it even worse. We forget who we are! It does not matter what the world around us says. People will try to define us by the circumstances in which we live, but the worst mistake we can make is to let the circumstances define our identity.

   Do not let a failed test make you believe you are a failure, or a lost battle make you a loser. You are more than what the world says you are. Despite the mistakes and despite the failures, you are still worth dying for. The crazy thing is that God not only says your worth everything to Him, but He proved it and sent His Son to die on the cross so that one day you could rise victorious over everything that is holding you down right now. Whenever the world tries to label you, remember that there is only one label that fits you: Child of God!  When nothing else is certain around you, know who you are. 

Live by the Promise

   Hours before Jesus was spiked to the cross for our sins, He told His disciples: “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.” (John 14: 1 - 4) We don't have to let the pressures of this world squeeze our hearts dry! Here is a promise worth living by! The same God who has the power to create, the Almighty One, He came to die for you in the cross of Calvary, so that regardless what the circumstances are you could have a hope worth living by. All we have to do is accept His gift of grace and have faith in His Word. Do not let the problems and the struggles of this life keep you from enjoying the promise of Paradise. 

   One of my favorite songs is "We Won't Be Shaken" by Building 492. Its a song with a catchy tune, and some great lyrics. But unlike most songs, that isn't what gets me with this song. See the first time the song was played was at a concert called A Night of Hope & Healing which was held in Newtown Connecticut a month after the Sandy Hook shootings. Every time the song comes on the radio, it sends shivers down my spine. The chorus proclaims:

"Whatever may come our way,

through fire or pouring rain. 

We won't be shaken!

No we won't be shaken!" 

Then the bridge explains:

"We will trust in You, we will not be moved.

We will trust in you and we won't be shaken."

  I imagine being a parent of one of the young victims. How much hurt and pain they were experiencing, and then singing "We will trust in You, we won't be shaken." Sometimes there are no answers to tragedy. Sometimes evil will blow your house down, but it doesn't have to destroy you.

   No matter where you are, remember who God is, know how much you mean to Him, and live by the promise of His return. When we hold on to these truths, we will not be shaken. Knowing them can make the difference when everything is chaos.




End Credits:
This post is Manuel's and Braden's first official collaboration. It was fun. If you liked it, share it, and there will be more. If you didn't like, don't share it. There will still be more.

Image Source: http://bit.ly/1LtL0lI 

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2 Reflections on God's Calling (Part 2)

Reflection 2 - God is a Coach

            Going to school to be a pastor is an experience unlike any other. While my college years were some of the best years of my life, something strange happened near the end. As I progressed through my Senior year, I started to hear stories from professors about how they told God they would go anywhere but…(you fill in the blank). New York. California. The City. The country. The South. The mission fields. You get the idea. The punch line was that they ended up exactly where they hoped they wouldn’t.

            After a few dozen stories like that a strange idea took shape. I remember thinking that God would either call me to the one place in the world where I wouldn’t want to go, or he would keep from the places that I did want to be. I would catch myself absurdly trying to not think about the places I didn’t want to go. Because He just might send me straight there: “Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.” It was especially difficult because I was attending a school 2200 miles from my family. As time went, it got harder to keep a picture of a God that cared about me. At times I had to talk myself down from the ledge of seeing God as a cosmic jokester using my dreams and desires against me. Of course I never let people see that uncertainty, after all I was studying to be pastor! So I embraced the fatalistic humor and joked about pastoring the 1st Church of my Wor

st Nightmare.

            Then the interview process started. I revised my resume, organized it into a folder with examples of my skills, strengths, and connections. I put on my best suit, tie, and smile. I went into small rooms with other men in suits and answered their questions. A few weeks later, yet more interviews. I became a pro at telling the story of my “Call to Ministry.” Explaining my strengths, priorities, and goals. Describing my devotional life. Speculating on the best response to conflict. Outlining my action in a new church. The interviewers mostly came from places like Georgia, Pennsylvania, Maine. I came from Oregon. Those were some of the most conflicting months of my life. I wanted to be called to a church. I wanted some reward for the energy I put into my interviews. But I really didn’t want to end up on the East Coast. When graduated and the last interview was over and I still hadn’t received a call, I felt a mixture of fear, shame, and relief. I was confused.

           I've come to realize that there is beauty in that kind of confusion. Like dissonance in music or suspense in a story, it signals that something important is happening. Besides, everything beautiful comes out of pressure, heat, pain. From diamonds to infants. The Christian walk isn’t different. If you haven’t felt pressure, confusion, and frustration in your faith, you’re not even in the kiddy pool yet. You’re rolling in a puddle at the edge and you’re missing out. Missing out on a life of risk and danger. A place where that in-over-your-head feeling would drive you crazy, but you know that you're only here because God brought you here and has His reasons. So you learn to live in over your head, because you never really are when He's around.

            I’m in Idaho now, the Ministry Lead at a Radio Station. The story of how I got this job is one for another post, but I will say it’s the most challenging experience of my life. There are days when I feel no hope that this thing will work. When I feel like I’m a huge poser and they’re gonna figure it out any day now. Then God does things. Things like letting me talk to a woman who chose not to end her life because of the ministry I’m a part of. He lets me pray with depressed people and talk to people mourning the loss of their baby. Then He stops me and tells me to look back and when I do and I’m amazed at where we’ve come.

           See, I’ve learned that God isn’t a jokester. He’s a coach. Him calling me isn't to prove his authority, but to grow my faith. Sometimes its terrifying, shameful, and hard. But the pressure is not meaningless. Like any coach He guides, leads, and always has my best interest at heart, but sometimes I need Him to make me drop and give Him 20. I need Him to make it tough! I need Him to make it real.

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